Why I Don't Need a Steam Machine (But Might Get One Anyway)

For those not entirely up-to-date, Valve recently unveiled three new hardware devices joining the Steam Deck family: a new controller, a VR headset, and the Steam Machine. This sleek, compact cube represents Valve's second attempt to penetrate the console market, and this time, it might just succeed.

Slated for release next spring, the hardware's arrival has sparked considerable excitement. The central question remains: will it find a place in our living rooms? The widespread hype has certainly captivated me, with articles like Brendon's "The Steam Machine is the Future," PC Gamer's "Valve is all over ARM," Eurogamer's "Steam Machine preview," and ResetEra's "Steam Hardware thread" contributing to the buzz. I'm particularly drawn to the idea that the Machine is essentially a PC optimized for console gaming. Valve assures us that it’s fully open; you can install anything you wish. Running SteamOS, much like your trusted Steam Deck, means you can boot into KDE and utilize it as a standard desktop computer—except this polished little cube is reportedly six times more powerful. I anticipate Digital Foundry will confirm these claims next year.

Valve's newly announced Steam Machine: a mysterious-looking sleek black box.

However, this post isn't about technical specifications, grand expectations, or futuristic dreams. It's about tempering my own enthusiasm. I intend to list the reasons why I genuinely don't need a Steam Machine, hoping this collection of points will make it easier to resist when the pre-order buttons become available.

You're a retro gamer. You simply don't need the power of six Steam Decks. What would you even do with it—run DOSBox?

Your TV doesn't support 4K. Again, there's no practical need for those advertised 4K 60 FPS capabilities.

You generally dislike AAA games. While the Steam Machine might finally allow you to flawlessly run DOOM Eternal and all the Assassin’s Creed titles, these are games you typically don't enjoy playing.

You don't have time to play games anyway. Ouch, that stings, but it's an undeniable truth.

The TV will be occupied anyway. Unlike a Nintendo Switch, the Steam Machine lacks a handheld mode. When exactly would you play on it if the main TV is constantly in use for your wife's favorite shows?

You already own too many gaming hardware pieces. Adding another device means further subdividing your limited gaming time to give each piece equal attention.

There’s no room for yet another nondescript box under the TV. Consider your existing collection: why not make use of that SNES Mini and PlayStation Mini instead of letting them gather dust?

You’re a physical gamer. This is Steam. There will be no inserting cartridges, no blowing on connectors, and no admiring physical game collections on a shelf.

It’s Steam, not Good Old Games. While it can technically run GOG titles, the Machine is primarily designed for Steam. You notoriously avoid purchasing from Steam, yet you're contemplating buying hardware dedicated to it? Are you truly serious?

The last time you booted Steam was over a year ago. Don’t suddenly claim interest in running the platform on a dedicated machine.

You don’t have time to fiddle with configuration. Spending hours on button and trackpad mappings just to get strategy games (designed for keyboard and mouse) playable will only lead to frustration.

Your MacBook can emulate Windows games just fine. You recently acquired CrossOver and have been smoothly playing Wizordum and older Windows 98/XP titles. It even runs Against The Storm flawlessly. There’s no pressing need for Proton or alternative solutions.

In two years, you’ll upgrade your M1 to an M4+: there’s your power upgrade. If CrossOver struggles with a particular game now, it will likely run buttery smooth on your upgraded laptop in a few years. This laptop upgrade is something you plan to do regardless of the Steam Machine.

You already have a huge gaming backlog. Thanks to your friend Joel, you've accumulated too many physical Switch games that are still waiting to be played. Are you genuinely ready to open up another can of worms?

You dislike a digital backlog. It’s incredibly easy to amass hundreds of digital games, as evidenced by your GOG purchases. Try counting how many of those you've actually played, let alone finished.

You’re not going to use the Machine to run office software. Your laptop and other retro machines are perfectly capable of handling those tasks. What purpose will this cube truly serve beyond gaming?

Those cool-looking indie games will eventually be released for Switch anyway. Remember Pizza Tower? It’s now available on Switch. Don’t forget to buy the physical cartridge from Fangamer, alongside the Anton Blast one.

It’s rumored to cost more than €600. Save that money for a Switch 2 if its game lineup ever becomes compelling enough to justify the upgrade—currently, it’s not. And revisit the backlog point mentioned earlier.

All HDMI ports, both on your TV and external monitors, are occupied. Unless you're prepared to constantly swap cables, you’ll need to invest in an HDMI switch, which is another €100+.

You can’t buy this without buying the Steam Controller. That's easily another €80+, money you've already spent on a Mobapad controller for your Switch, replacing semi-broken Joy-Cons.

You can’t buy this as a company expense. You’re in the process of closing down the company, remember. (More on that later)

The cool-looking LED and programmable front display don’t justify an expensive purchase. After the initial excitement fades, that LED will likely become an annoyance, and you'll simply turn it off.

So, as you can see, I really don't need a Steam Machine…

Fuck it, I’m getting one.