Work Requests Are Not Favors: Mastering Professional Collaboration

Work requests should never be framed as "favors." Doing so depletes your social capital and can make you appear incompetent. Instead, if your request is reasonable, articulate it respectfully and confidently.

Wes Kao February 14, 2024

A group of colleagues going to work. Image: SEAL Team, CBS

Welcome to this weekly insight from Wes Kao, an a16z-backed founder who shares frameworks for becoming a sharper operator.

The Illusion of the "Favor"

One compelling illustration comes from the military drama SEAL Team. In an episode, elite Navy SEALs are tasked with recovering a crashed drone, accompanied by two tech analysts. A verbal spat ensues when one SEAL, Sonny, dismissively refers to the drone as "your toy." While dramatized for effect, this perfectly exemplifies how individuals sometimes treat integral job duties as if they are doing someone a personal "favor."

The analysts, in a sharper retort, might have asserted: "It’s not ‘my toy.’ This is U.S. government property, funded by taxpayers, and we’re both fulfilling our roles to retrieve it. Let’s focus and get the job done."

Why do we often feel self-conscious about making legitimate work requests, and how can we overcome this?

It's About Doing Our Jobs

Many of us, myself included, are eager to assist colleagues but find it awkward to ask for help. It can feel like an imposition, a nuisance, or an undue reliance that might create future obligations. If you resonate with being more comfortable giving help than receiving it at work, this reframe is crucial: "I’m here to do my job, and you’re here to do yours."

When a coworker contributes or assists, they are not doing you a "favor"; they are performing their job. While you wouldn't vocalize this confrontationally, internalizing this conviction is vital. You should feel confident making requests that are reasonable and integral to your role.

Of course, there are exceptions. A genuine "favor" might be a semi-unreasonable ask made in a pinch, where a "no" would be entirely understandable. These are true "favors." However, the majority of work requests do not fall into this category. For instance, asking a coworker to expedite a design for an upcoming product launch due to an unforeseen timeline shift is not a "favor"; it's a request for them to fulfill their part of a shared organizational objective.

Strategic Framing is Still Key

While work requests aren't "favors," it remains essential to appreciate positive responses from colleagues. Even if obliged, they can still choose to complicate your process. We’ve all encountered service professionals who made a conscious choice to be helpful versus those who, feeling slighted, leveraged their authority to rigidly enforce rules. Collaborating effectively with coworkers should never be taken for granted.

This doesn't imply you should make demands. No one owes you anything, and a pleasant workday stems from willing collaboration. Therefore, approximately 90% of your framing should emphasize how the request benefits the other person, or why it’s critical and urgent for the company.

• Before: "Could you do me a huge favor and help with this ticket?"
• After: "Could you help with this ticket because [explain the benefit/urgency for the company/team]?"

Individuals with strong professional relationships might frequently frame requests as "favors" because they can. We subconsciously realize this approach is ineffective with those who have no incentive or inclination to help. If you possess a collaborative leadership style and are well-liked, people might be willing to help out of goodwill – which makes it even more crucial to avoid using "favor" as a crutch.

The Cost of Personal Favors

When you’re hesitant to ask for help, the temptation to frame a request as a personal "favor" is strong. This approach introduces an emotional element, fostering sympathy and drawing colleagues closer. While it might yield immediate assistance, it’s ultimately unsustainable. It exhausts your social capital.

Social capital is a finite resource that requires replenishment. In a professional setting, you will always have tasks requiring cross-functional cooperation. If you expend social capital on requests that are not truly "favors," you'll have none left for genuine emergencies. Alternatively, you might find yourself deeply indebted, compelled to perform actual "favors" until the balance is restored.

Favor-Framing Implies Incompetence

Another critical reason to avoid framing work requests as "favors" is that, over time, it projects an image of incompetence. Coworkers prefer not to work with someone constantly needing "favors." People who consistently rely on last-minute generosity to complete their work appear disorganized.

If you struggle to identify how your request benefits the other person or their team, then pivot to explaining its benefit for the organization. This strategy leverages a moral high ground; it feels selfish (and often is) for someone to decline something clearly beneficial to the company. Most individuals are subconsciously thinking about covering their own rear (CYA) at work and don't want to be perceived as hindering company progress.

Enabling Intellectual Laziness

From a certain perspective, framing requests as a "favor" can also be intellectually lazy. When you can't fall back on this framing, you are compelled to genuinely consider why your request is important for the business. If you can't articulate a compelling reason, then perhaps the task itself or the need for assistance should be re-evaluated.

Analyzing the business case often reveals patterns. For example, you might uncover a personal skill gap or a systemic team deficiency being addressed ad-hoc. If you consistently need a tech-savvy coworker to assist with software, that might genuinely be a "favor" if it's outside their job description. This could be an inefficient use of their time.

These underlying patterns remain unaddressed if requests are treated as off-the-books "favors." Recognizing such a pattern provides options:

• (a) Your manager could support your skill development, acknowledging a learning curve.
• (b) The team could hire external support (e.g., a vendor or freelancer).
• (c) Maintain the status quo, but explicitly acknowledge that the coworker is dedicating bandwidth to help, making it an intentional team decision.

In any scenario, the "invisible responsibilities" of a coworker consistently helping with "favors" should be acknowledged. Similarly, if you're regularly spending five hours a week on such "favors," you might inadvertently be masking significant team needs, potentially detracting from your core responsibilities and impacting your performance.

Genuine, infrequent "favors" are not an issue; be gracious and a good colleague. However, for recurring work, clarity about business needs benefits everyone, ensuring capable individuals aren't penalized for assisting their peers.

Acting as Agents of the Organization

Finally, remember that when you make requests at work, you are not asking purely as an individual. You are acting as an agent of the organization. Whether you're a director of marketing, a UX designer, or a product manager, your requests are made in that capacity. Likewise, your coworker responds as an agent of the organization, meaning both parties should prioritize what is best for the company.

Early in my career, working on a marketing team, I needed data from a database accessible only to the inventory management team. The analyst I approached reacted as if it were a major imposition. Yet, supporting the marketing team and ensuring accurate forecasts for product launches was a direct part of their job, critical for brand success.

Leaders must ensure their teams do not react negatively to requests from other departments. Complaining about other teams might be an easy way to bond, but it fosters a lazy culture where personal relationships supersede business needs. If a legitimate reason for prioritization exists, it should occur irrespective of social capital. Joe from a cross-functional team should not drag his feet simply because you don't have a "great" relationship; he needs to do his job. Conversely, if Joe has a request for you, treat it with appropriate urgency, as your personal opinion of Joe is irrelevant. You must do what's best for the company.

Ignoring this principle creates an environment where high performers eventually leave. As leaders and managers, preventing this is paramount. A shared understanding that work requests are not "favors" benefits everyone involved, as both sides will inevitably need to make requests.

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